How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

Also, this is an old favourite of mine:

Why did cavemen drag their women around by their hair?

Because if they dragged them by their feet, they'd fill up with dirt!

http://www.trilulilu.ro/esscu/ed3b5ceee9219f

Never Been With A Woman An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."

lmfao :D

How can you tell when your girlfriend (or wife for you married guys) wants you really badly?

When you stick your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

How can you tell when there's a male pornstar at the gas station?

Just before the nozzle finishes pumping, he pulls it out and sprays it all over the car!

The bartender heard painful screaming coming from the men's room, so he ran in there to find out what was happening. "What's going on? Is everyone all right?"

"Fuck no, I'm not all right," the drunk said, pissed off and in pain. "Every time I try to flush, something squeezes the shit out of my balls."

The bartender said, "That's because you're sitting on the mop bucket."

An Amish mother and daughter were riding in their buggy in the winter, when the daughter said, "My hands are cold."

The mother said, "Put them between your legs. The heat from your body will warm them."

The next day, the Amish girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy when the boyfriend said, "My hands are cold."

The girl said, "Put them between my legs. The heat from my body will warm them." So he did.

The next day while riding in the buggy, the boyfriend said, "My nose is cold."

The girl said, "Put it between my legs. The heat from my body will warm it."

The next day in the buggy, the boyfriend said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day, the Amish mother and daughter were riding in the buggy together when the daughter asked, "Mom, have you ever heard of a penis?"

"Yes," the mother replied. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter said, "Those things make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

Big Dick Contest

Two guys who slept with the same girl were arguing who gave it to this girl better and who had the biggest dick.

The first guy says to the second guy, "Lets go measure dicks in Private" since they were not freaks.

They were walking along a very tall bridge and seeing all that water made them want to piss.

They start pissing off the bridge and the first guy says to the second guy, "The water is cold"

The second guy says, "Yeah and its deep too".

 

Q: What's the worst thing you could accidentally do to a blind person?

A: Leave the plunger in the toilet.

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Q: What's the most popular pick-up line in a gay bar?

A: "Can I push in your stool?"

Q: What's the first sign that you could have AIDS?

A: A pounding sensation in your ass.

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Q: Why don't Barbie and Ken have kids?

A: Because Ken comes in a different box.

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Q: Why don't Santa and Mrs. Claus have kids?

A: Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.