If you are obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you are a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5, 6.
If you are paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press.
If you are depressed it probably doesn't matter what you press, it won't do you any good anyway....

If you are obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you are a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5, 6.
If you are paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press.
If you are depressed it probably doesn't matter what you press, it won't do you any good anyway....

Hahaha, liked that one.

One of my all time favorite list type jokes. I think anybody who has to deal with phone trees on a regular basis can relate to this. I hate phone trees so much that I sometimes pretend to have an old fashioned (non-touchtone) phone so an operator will have to pick up and TALK to me.

     If you are obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
     If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
     If you are a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5, 6.
     If you are paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
     If you are schizophrenic please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press.
     If you are depressed it probably doesn't matter what you press, it won't do you any good anyway....

Hahaha, liked that one.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I used to work the mental health hotline as well as do face-to-face crisis counseling. Eventually you start messing with Schizophrenics and telling them you're Elvis.

I've often thought it would be a kindness to give discarded cell phones to the schizophrenics walking the street. Then when they were having their one sided conversations people wouldn't think they were weird.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I used to work the mental health hotline as well as do face-to-face crisis counseling. Eventually you start messing with Schizophrenics and telling them you're Elvis.