Post you Political Jokes here.

REMEMBER this is NOT a political discussion forum. All political jokes welcome, no personal attacks against other members. Just jokes about politicians!

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

Here's about a week's worth of political humor from the late night crowd.

"Donald Rumsfeld said he just happened to be visiting Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. How much stress is this guy under when he goes to Iraq to unwind?" —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush told a group of unemployed workers today that we are now in a time of transition. Hey, you think this is a time of transition, wait until after the election." —Jay Leno

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told senators that the Geneva convention on prisoner's rights applies in Iraq, but not for prisoners held in Guantanamo Bay. When asked what the difference was Rumsfeld said that nobody has pictures of Guantanamo Bay." —Conan O'Brien

"The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush's approval rating is at an all-time low, but Kerry still can't catch up with him. So people don't like Bush and they don't seem to like Kerry very much either. So we have two guys no one wants to vote for. No wonder we can't sell democracy in Iraq, we can't even give it away here." —Jay Leno

"Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign." —David Letterman

"In a recent interview Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said that American politics is becoming meaner and meaner. After hearing this top Republicans said that Daschle makes a good point for a guy who's ugly and probably gay." —Conan O'Brien

"President Bush invited the world champion New England Patriots to the White House for the second time on Monday. Here's the interesting point, at this point the Patriots might actually have a better chance at being at the White House this time next year than Bush." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said today that the job situation looks good. Yeah, if you're John Kerry." —Jay Leno

"President George Bush's approval rating has dropped to 46 percent. Let me put this in perspective. Saddam Hussein's approval rating is 49 percent. ... But Bush is not worried. That's the kind of grades that got him through Yale." —David Letterman

"President Bush has given Donald Rumsfeld complete and unequivocal endorsement. You know what that means? He'll be gone by Friday." —David Letterman

"Over the weekend British Prime Minister Tony Blair apologized for the mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners. Apparently some of the prisoners were accidentally given British food." —Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said he will not punish Donald Rumsfeld. Which is good, because no one wants to see pictures of a naked, old man." —Craig Kilborn

"Who would have ever thought that more naked pictures would come out under the Bush administration than under the Clinton administration?" —Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that he was responsible for the abuse of the Iraqi prisoners. And today President Bush said the abuse was cruel and disgraceful and an affront to the most basic standards of morality and decency. And then he told Rumsfeld that he was doing a superb job. Then Rumsfeld said, 'What the hell do I gotta do to get fired?'" —Jay Leno

"Finally some good news for those naked Iraqi inmates, they just got hired for next year's Superbowl Halftime Show." —Craig Kilborn

"Gas prices are up, the stock market is down, Iraq is a mess and John Kerry is saying, 'How am I gonna beat this guy?" —David Letterman

"We're turning over sovereignty to the Iraqi's on June 30th and the next day we're handing over the negatives." —Jay Leno

"Don't kid yourself, this is disturbing. Stories coming out about degrading photographs, nude pyramids, sexual humiliation. Of course I'm talking about Bill Clinton's memoir." —David Letterman

Here's about a week's worth of political humor from the late night crowd....

All very funny.

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"


Ha² ha² ha³, that's some funny shit and for some strange reason I can't help but think that it's based on a true story.

Here's another one: One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

Here's last week


"This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message — if I have one.'" —Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry speaks French, but he tries to avoid it. So, if a reporter asks him questions in French he'll pretend like he doesn't understand. Bush, on the other hand, has the same problem with English." —David Letterman

"John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.'" —Jay Leno

"You ever take a good look at Ralph Nader? Don't you think he looks like Kerry if you left him in the dryer for couple of days?" —Jay Leno

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader. Wouldn't you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation? And if you had, you would have been the most charismatic thing in the room." —David Letterman

"Dick Cheney gave a speech at the Coast Guard Academy in which he vowed that Americans would fight on in Iraq. Actually he said, 'not me, but a lot of other Americans.' Maybe we should have a new law in this country: Anybody vowing to fight on should actually have to do some of the fighting." —Jay Leno

"You know about the cicadas, right? They come to New York City once every 17 years to have sex. No wait, that's the Republican convention." —David Letterman

"According to some reports, U.S. forces bombed a wedding party in Iraq. Apparently President Bush thought it might have been a gay wedding." —Jay Leno

"President Bush says an interim president in Iraq should be selected in the next two weeks. Apparently there's not a lot of interest in that job right now." —Jay Leno

"We had the first lady Laura Bush on the program, and we had Secret Service agents all over the place. See, these guys, they're all, like, 6 feet 2 inches. They wear suits. They stand there. They don't smile. It's like we've got a roomful of John Kerrys" —Jay Leno

"This week President Bush honored the 50th anniversary of the Supreme Court's historic decision to end segregation in schools. Gee, I thought President Bush didn't like activist judges." —Jay Leno

"President Bush is keeping busy. Earlier today President Bush met with the prime minister of Greece. In the meeting, Bush praised the Greek people, saying, 'You gave the world playdoh, which I once ate a can of.'" —Conan O'Brien

"The White House is now saying that they still do not have a timetable for when the U.S. will be out of Iraq. Although they hinted that it would be early in the Kerry administration." —David letterman

"There is talk now that President Bush may tap into our emergency oil reserves. But I'm asking didn't we already do this? Wasn't that called invading Iraq?" —Craig Kilborn

"Earlier today, John Kerry had a meeting with independent candidate Ralph Nader. Afterwards, Kerry said 'The meeting didn't go as well as I had hoped, because my gun jammed.'" —Conan O'Brien

"John Kerry met with Howard Dean earlier this week to get strategic advise. Does that make sense? Shouldn't you be getting advise from a guy who at least won a primary? Isn't that like getting public relations advise from Donald Rumsfeld?" —Jay Leno

"There are now videos from Iraq showing American soldiers having group sex. Well, who said men and women couldn't serve in the armed forces together?" —Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval rating is now at an all-time low. It is now lower than Dick Cheney's pulse rate." —Jay Leno

"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry is on the attack and he has called now for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld. As a response, Rumsfeld stripped Kerry naked and ran him around on a leash." —David Letterman

"There is some very disturbing video that's being passed around that shows U.S. soldiers in the Abu Gharib prison involved in group sex or having orgies. ...You want to know how wild it is over there? I guess already six soldiers got purple hearts for chlamydia." —Jay Leno

"Congress now says they are reviewing the sex videos, so at least we have the comfort of knowing they’re being reviewed by experts in this area." —Jay Leno

"President Bush planning for a quick exit from Iraq. He's doing that to avoid a quick exit from the White House." —Jay Leno

"Apparently we're handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30th. Actually, we're just handing them the leash." —Jay Leno

"At the Cannes film festival, John Kerry's daughter was wearing a see-through dress where you could actually see her breasts. And just like a Kerry, they somehow managed to lean both ways." —Craig Kilborn

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad. The bad news for President Bush, he came back ... He told the troops, 'I'm a survivor.' Yeah — a survivor about to be voted off the island." —Jay Leno

"An article came out in New Yorker Magazine that said in order to gather intelligence Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld authorized a secret program that encouraged the sexual humiliation of Iraqi prisoners. Rumsfeld said the article is outlandish, conspiratorial and full of conjecture. He didn't say it was wrong. He just said all those things." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said today he wants U.S. troops to pull out — of each other." —Jay Leno

"Members of Congress now say there are videos and dozens of pictures of that West Virginia Private Lynndie England — you know the girl with the leash. I'm not making this up and I feel bad saying it, but there's video of her having group sex with American soldiers in front of Iraqi prisoners. Remember the good old days when the only new video we had to worry about came from Paris Hilton? ... Group sex. You know what the sad thing is — this is the biggest coalition they've been able to put together in Iraq so far." —Jay Leno

"When you think about it Las Vegas is a little bit like Iraq. I mean you have a lot of sand, it's a big gamble to go there and if you wander into the wrong room you just might see a young woman leading a naked man around on a leash." —Jay Leno

"Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts." —Craig Kilborn

"Here is John Kerry's exact position on gay marriage. It's okay for two women to get married as long as one is really really rich." —Craig Kilborn

"Legalized same-sex marriage has prompted a new slogan, 'We're here, we're queer and we're registered at Williams-Sonoma.'" —Craig Kilborn

"India's stock market crashed. My question is, is President Bush out-sourcing our economy too?" —Craig Kilborn



All very funny.

A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

I LIKE THAT, very true


Thanks again for your post bullhockey, you're now required to post it here every week!

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

Dear KS,

I'm glad to post these. I can copy and paste with the best of em.

By the way, where did you get that avatar? It looks just like the illegitimate son of Barbara Bush and Alfred E. Newman. I thought they would have done a better job keeping him under wraps.


Thanks again for your post bullhockey, you're now required to post it here every week!

By the way, where did you get that avatar? It looks just like the illegitimate son of Barbara Bush and Alfred E. Newman. I thought they would have done a better job keeping him under wraps.

Unfortunately, Alfred W. Bush was let loose on the world about four years ago.

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushworry2.htm

Dear Ks,

I knew that looked familiar. We sell the Nation magazine where I work.

I know I have posted this before but it seems sooooo on topic here. Usually I agree with Snopes analysis on things but this time I think they got it wrong.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/nostra.htm


Unfortunately, Alfred W. Bush was let loose on the world about four years ago.

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushworry2.htm

You asked for it.....


"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." —David Letterman

"Homeland Security has warned of possible summer attacks by Al Qaeda. And it must be pretty serious because President Bush has already ignored three memos about this." —David Letterman

"Our top story, in 'Threat Matrix Reloaded' news ... Attorney General John Ashcroft and FBI Director Robert Muller held a press conference today to announce that Al Qaeda is planning attacks somewhere inside the United States at sometime in the future. So go about your normal lives, but with a vague sense of foreboding." —Craig Kilborn

"Some possible high profile targets are the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention. So in response, President Bush increased security at the following locations: the Republican National Convention." —Craig Kilborn

"Attorney General John Ashcroft said today that Al Qaeda is determined to attack the United States sometime this summer. He said the terrorists may do it to try to influence our Presidential election. So Al Qaeda is basically like Ralph Nader, only with more followers." —Jay Leno

"Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control." —Jay Leno

"Seven Iraqi men who had their hands cut off under Saddam Hussein were recently brought to the United States and fitted with high tech prosthetic hands. The bad news, the first thing they did with their new hands? Throw rocks at the U.S. Embassy." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry said a vote for Ralph Nader is a vote for George Bush. Bush said, "I'm voting for Ralph Nader!" —Jay Leno

"Al Gore gave a blistering speech today condemning the Bush administration and calling for everyone in Bush's cabinet to resign from office immediately. Finally the owner of the karoke bar said, 'Are you going to sing or what?'" —Jay Leno

"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." —David Letterman

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration." —David Letterman

"President Bush announced his plan for Iraq. He called for the rebuilding of a wrecked economy, getting international cooperation and bringing in new leadership. You know, the same thing Kerry is calling for here." —Jay Leno

"So far opinion is split on the president's plan. Republicans say the outlook is Sunni, or as Democrats say, we're in deep Shiite." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said last night that they'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance they're going to give him a 30-second head start." —Jay Leno

"He also said that Iraq will have two vice presidents. See that's when you know that they don't expect the president to last that long — when they have a back up guy for the back up guy." —Jay Leno

"The president was surprisingly nonchalant about the problems facing Iraq — at one point even muttering, 'What do I care this is all going to be Kerry's problem anyway.'" —Craig Kilborn

"If Bush really wants to prove what a great job he's doing over there, he should just walk around Baghdad shouting, 'You're welcome everyone.'" —Craig Kilborn

"The White House announced the notorious Abu Ghraib prison will be torn down, demolished and done away with. But don't worry, we'll always have our memories, and of course the photographs." —Jay Leno

"'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him." —Conan O'Brien

"Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch — the environment hurting Bush." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke." —Jay Leno

"President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off." —Jay Leno

"President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike." —Jay Leno

"You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously." —Jay Leno

"A White House spokesmen said he fell because it's been raining a lot and the top soil is loose. We went ahead and looked up the rain for real in Crawford, Texas. May 15th, 0.0 inches of rain. May 16th, 0.0 inches of rain. 17th no rain. 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd no rain. First he chokes on a pretzel; now he fell off his bike. Mr. President, when are you going to admit that Laura is abusing you? There is no shame in being a battered husband." —Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush fell off of his bike, wound up with cuts and bruises on his chin, his nose and on his upper lip — or as the secret service call it, Condition Hillary." —Craig Kilborn

"With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something." —Craig Kilborn

"Our president fell off of his bike and today declared war on gravity." —Craig Kilborn

"Doctor's concluded that the president's fall hadn't done any damage when he appeared confused and disoriented." —Craig Kilborn

"To add insult to injury only 41 percent approved of the way Bush got back on the bike." —Craig Kilborn

"Actually, Bush's bike accident was different from John Kerry's accident: Bush fell when he tried turning too hard to the right; Kerry fell when he kept switching gears." —Jay Leno

"First Kerry, now Bush. You know if Ralph Nader can just stay away from sporting equipment for like five months, he could win this election by default." —Jay Leno

"The president's speech tonight he laid out his new plan to hand over power in Iraq. You know at this point George Bush saying he has a new plan for Iraq is like William Hung saying he has a new song." —Jay Leno

"Strip clubs in Wisconsin are organizing voter registration drives to get voters for John Kerry cause they're afraid of President Bush's conservative agenda. Well, you can see why the strippers would really be for John Kerry. I mean they have almost as many positions as he does." —Jay Leno

"President Bush addressed the nation tonight and as always he was hilarious. ... Does it scare anyone else that the president has strokes in between syllables?" —Jimmy Kimmel



     A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

I LIKE THAT, very true


Thanks again for your post bullhockey, you're now required to post it here every week!

Just saw this pic, not really a joke, but funny

PICS OF GEORGE W. BUSH
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/George%20Bush%20-%20American%20Psycho.jpg
http://www.funnyfreepics.com/images/george_bush.jpg
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/bush_precious.jpg
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/Funny%20George%20Bush_nostradamus%20(1).jpg
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/George%20W%20Bush%20Iraq%20-%20irak.jpg
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/George%20Bush%20Allies.jpg
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/Bush%20-%20the%20ring.jpg

-Many more bush pics here:
http://fatali.servebeer.com/~ilkka/bush/

PICS OF JOHN KERRY
http://www.omahoneycartoons.com/portfolio/images/John%20Kerry.jpg
http://www.dwtoons.com/Top%20Secret/Regular%20images/Terrorists.jpg
http://www.happyfunpundit.com/hfp/images/marikerry.jpg
http://www.evote.com/evotepix/satire/parody/kerry_john_as_karloff.jpg

(couldn't find as many good ones about J. Kerry so post them if you have them)

Dear KS,

This is one of the better Bush graphics I have seen to date.

http://www.stopesso.com/funstuff/nose.html

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common?
They both go down in the name of the president.