Vatsis's Guide to US

Fri, Jun 17 2005 8:32
Vatsis
cold capital of Finland
Posts 3,384
Moderator
SystemAdministrator

1. Driving

For some reason 1) nobody "flashes light" before changing lanes 2) nobody uses seatbelts 3) 50% have SUVs.

In Finland, you're not allowed to change lanes without telling it in advance... I've almost wrecked my Ford because of those bastards trying to move to a space 1metre ahead of me. And I've asked why don't they use seatbealts... some say that if they drop to water they'll drown because they can't get off the seatbelt OR that after the accident there is a need to get fast out of the car before it EXPLODES?? And those SUV (large sportcars that look like trucks) are such a monsters that will suit Jack Bauer but when little grannies drive them on 18th street 60mph I'm a bit worried... crashing them means instant death.

More to come...

-Vatsis from South Beach

Fri, Jun 17 2005 9:12
fboiss
Posts 259
living the american dream I see Huh? [:^)]
Fri, Jun 17 2005 10:28
inaz
Posts 2,844


Let me prevent you ... below some 'Florida State Laws' ...




FLORIDA LAWS


  • Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
  • A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
  • If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
  • It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
  • Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
  • Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
  • It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
  • When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
  • You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
  • It is considered an offense to shower naked.
Fri, Jun 17 2005 12:34
beginner
Posts 4,806
Retired Moderator

Texas Crazy Law

  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

  • A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
  • It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.

  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

  • When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

  • It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.

  • You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

  • A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

  • It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

  • It is illegal to milk another person's cow.

    Abilene

  • It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.

    Austin

  • Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

    Beaumont

  • Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

    Borger

  • It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.

    Clarendon

  • It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.

    El Paso

  • Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."

    Houston

  • Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

  • It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.

    Galveston

  • It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.

    Jasper

  • Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.

    LeFors

  • It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.

    Lubbock County

  • It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.

    Mesquite

  • It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.

    Port Arthur

  • Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.

    Richardson

  • It is now illegal to place a "for sale" sign on a car if it visible from the street.

  • It is illegal to do "U Turns".

    San Antonio

  • It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

  • It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.

    Temple

  • No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.

  • You can ride your horse in the saloon.

  • Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.

    Texarkana

  • Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights
  •  

    Crazy the beginner

    Fri, Jun 17 2005 12:48
    KS
    Posts 6,089
    Retired Moderator
    lol Vatsis welcome to Miami! 

    I've been there a couple times on Vacation, and the driving there scares me as well.

    KS's tips for driving in Miami.

    1.  Don't expect that anyone will acknowledge or respect that you have the right of way.  In Miami you are the "bug" on everyone else's windscreen.

    2.  Watch out for the nicer cars, these people feel that it's their road as they've wasted the most money on their car.

    3.  While on a multi lane road, a car is in the right hand lane.  You are in the left.  You should assume that the person is at any moment going to decide to turn left and cut you off in the process.  It's best not to have anyone to the left or right of you.

    4.  When leaving a shopping center, it is customary not to let anyone out.  If you ever want to get out, you're going to have to cut someone off.

    5.  Don't drive the speed limit, this will only piss everyone off.  Go the speed that most people are going, and be sure that a number of people are going faster then you ("cannon fodder" for the police).

    6.  If you haven't done so already, get the extra rental insurance on the car.

    7.  If you don't have to drive, DON'T!

    8.  If you have a good parking spot, then don't go anywhere.  You'll never get another one.

    9.  Plan your trips around rush hour.  No driving between 6-9am and 4-7pm. 

    10. Be very afraid of the "Grannies."   If you see their head doen't even go above the steering wheel, then back off or pass quickly. 
    Note:  Pulling over won't help, many more are surely behind you!

    Hope this helps!

    KS
    Fri, Jun 17 2005 16:57
    howcutesie
    SO FLA, baby
    Posts 292
    yes, flordia is a crazy place to drive, trust me i live here, but i've been everywhere else in the US too and it's just as fucking crazy take cali and new york for example.. all the bigger cities are hell to drive. pickin' on flordia ;)
    Fri, Jun 17 2005 21:19
    Superevil
    Floriduh
    Posts 3,472
    Moderator
    You should stop by and hang out with Kase & I.
    Fri, Jun 17 2005 21:22
    howcutesie
    SO FLA, baby
    Posts 292

     Superevil wrote:
    You should stop by and hang out with Kase & I.

    hell yeah! I believe that Vatsis would have the time of his life. I'd take you guys all about the town with me and my girls. ;) We'd have a great time. No worries about that. I'll leave Ft. Lauderdale tonight, and head down to Miami. ;)

     

    btw super i love your sig. haha

    Vatsis, I'm surpised you haven't said something about how fat the people in the US are. We are the fattest nation after all. I go to the gym 4 times a week and dance my ass off at night and I still weigh 110-115. It's hard!!! It's the fucking food.

    Fri, Jun 17 2005 22:07
    Superevil
    Floriduh
    Posts 3,472
    Moderator
     howcutesie wrote:

    btw super i love your sig. haha



    -Crosses Fingers-
    I Can Only Hope.

    Sun, Jun 26 2005 2:29
    Fucktard
    San Diego, California
    Posts 3,043
    Retired Moderator

    I am convinced that over 90% of our drivers are stupid, clueless, lack the basic physical and mental ability to use the various levers, pedals, and do-dads needed to navigate a vehicle, or....all of the above. You're almost surprised when someone does the correct thing nowadays like signaling. Welcome to the Jungle V Big Smile [:D]

    F~

    Sun, Jun 26 2005 5:10
    cinsidy
    The Back Pocket of Big Busniess
    Posts 1,096

    "Vatsis, you're driving on American highways and you're using your blinkers to indicate your intention of changing lanes to the other cars around you? What are you? Some kind of fucken Nut??"

    Out on the open roads of the USA,  when your fellow motorist observe your vehicle signaling in that sort of manner it is an indication of one, of the only two possibilities.

    Indication #1.{ "Ok everybody stay alert! We got to all tighten up our formation and drive a lot faster, cause this silly Cocksucker ain't going fucken nowhere!" }

    Indication #2.{ A flashing taillight means that the driver of this car has got to be at least, about 116 years old. Has no fucken clue what so ever what he's doing because he's too goddam fucken old and senile. They shouldn't even let a catatonic old bastard like that drive anymore. He's just gonna end up killing himself and probaly someone else a whole lot younger that doesn't deserve to die yet like this old retarded fuck should've done years ago. I bet ya he's had that same goddam tailight blinking like that ever sense he drove that piece of shit Buick LeSabre off the lot 35 fucken years ago.}

    Heeey.......You didn't really use your blinkers, did you? You're just fucking with heads of the dumb ass Americans like me, who are just so fucking gullible to believe some shit like that? Aren't  you Vats?

    I feel like such a fucking idiot

    Cin
    Tue, Jun 28 2005 2:04
    thenuts_2499
    California, USA
    Posts 108

    OK for my first post I thought I would respond to the troubles Vatsis is having on our highways here in the US.

    You see, the problem with American driving is the women,(not all of them) only the ones who drive really big trucks, try to talk on the phone, brush the hair, check the makeup, and try to change clothes while deciding what CD to listen to.

    The other problem drivers are all the MORONS who drive BMW's and dont even know what BMW means.

    My favorites of course are the 90 year old guys driving Corvettes, the car can go 150+mph and they go 30mph ALL THE TIME.

    And last but not least anyone who drives a BRAND new MERCEDES and are so scared to get a speck of dust on it that they refuse to go faster than a snail.

    Once you get the understanding of these drivers, driving in the States is a breeze.

    God Speed and Good Luck

    T.N.

    Wed, Jun 29 2005 14:03
    jdk32498
    USA/Pa
    Posts 4,255
    I would say that probably 1/4 of the population know how to use their turn signal correctly here in the US..  however the closer you get to the major cities that number gets less and less..

    As you go throughout the US it helps to know your going to see some crazy things along the way, on and off the road..  trucks that have tires 10 times to small..  trucks that have tires 10 times to big..  cars with parts taped or tied on..  compact cars with 15 people inside..  and of course the occasional horse and buggy with an amish dude blocking traffic for 10 miles while his horse takes a shit...
    Fri, Jul 1 2005 20:27
    Vatsis
    cold capital of Finland
    Posts 3,384
    Moderator
    SystemAdministrator

    Thanks for all the answers - being still alive, I think I'm doing something right. Big Smile [:D] Haven't got a change to reply earlier, it seems the Peachy works when browsing on a slow wireless connection but posting a reply halts the connection...

    I actually find it quite exciting to drive here in south beach - just turn the music louder and self preservation instict off and there are wonderful moments when driving near the beach line. Cool [H]

    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:00
    LordLister
    Eire
    Posts 656

    The times I drove a car in the US I allways hated that directions are given most of the time as 'North', 'South', 'East' (forgot the 4th one (lol) ).

    In unknown areas it gave you a feeling of needing a bl..dy compass all the time.....

    Or the tricks traffic-cops play with you by letting you perform finger-juggling exercises and walking along a straight line like a model on a catwalk.

    Even if you didn't drink a single drop, this is difficult to do.....

     

     

    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:12
    waldo
    Posts 15

    As a professional over the road truck driver, I can say cali is by far one of the worst places, esp. for driveing a big truck.. It is the only place that i know of where teh people that are getting onto hte freeway have the right of way, n U have to make room to let them in.

    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:15
    waldo
    Posts 15

    I fully agree with that.  can't tell you how many times there has been some stupid idiot that has done something stupid that almost got them, and my self nto a serious wreck.  Just the other day as i was takeing m truck home some dumb bitch cut me off, If I hadn't noticed her starting to ease into my lane n locked up m brakes I probally woulda ran right over teh top of her n possibly killled her.  Women drivers are by far the worst.

     

    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:16
    waldo
    Posts 15
    Have to say that number one is correct, esp when driveing a semi truck. 
    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:18
    waldo
    Posts 15
    Esp. the ones that drive those little compact cars.  Almost as if they think that they are invincble in htem little tin cans.
    Sat, Jul 2 2005 9:22
    waldo
    Posts 15

    I love my job as a professional truck driver when I am on hte open highway away from major metropolitan areas.  The closer i get to them the more stressed out i get.

    Hate it when those dam amish people block the roads, not just for the horse  shittin, but just when they are on hte roads. They always ahve a line of vehicles backed up behind them.  pisses m off when I know i am close to where I need to deliver, n get there late n have to sitt n wait to reschedule my delivery appointment becasue of sum retard stuck in the early 1900's


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