In the interest of hearing both sides of the story, because I know you guys are of a democratic nature, I thought I should get my two cents in here. You know, us women, always sticking our noses where they don't belong.
Because I'm a man -
When I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after
hypothermia has set in.
Because I’m a woman –
I’ll be perfectly content with giggling to myself just inside the house sipping a hot chocolate with a big sarcastic grin on my face.
---------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk
or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or
"tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism.
Because I’m a woman –
I know perfectly well you can’t be relied upon to find these things, especially cumin, because if there isn’t a “You” before “Cumin” your interest is lost. But I still send you out to get these things just so I have another reason to point out your flaws upon your return.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
When one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it
apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once
the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a woman –
I’m going to match whatever you spend on toaster repairs on shoes and underwear you’ll never see.
-------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.
If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it
(though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I’m a woman –
I know you have to hold the remote because it’s the next best thing to holding your pecker or at least lounging back Al Bundy style.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
There is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always
either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I’m a woman –
I know exactly what you’re thinking about, but I’m still going to ask. Mostly for the sheer enjoyment of hearing you stumble around whatever BS you’ve come up with this time.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're
crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I’m a woman –
Eh, who am I kidding, those movies do suck, is sports center on?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man -
I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing
five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the
belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine...Can
we just go now?
Because I’m a woman –
I’m asking you about my appearance not for your sake, but for all the other men we’re about to see where ever we’re going. The same men I’ll later compare you to, pointing out why your short comings are much greater than theirs.
-Pey