wot is the fastest thing on two legs?

Jesus running through eithopa shouting i am the bread of life

wot do you call 100 eithopians in a swimming pool?

coco pops.


how do you get 100 eithopians in a phone box?

throw in a tin of beans.

How do you get them back out?

show them the tin opener.



wot do you call 2 eithopians in a sleeping bag?

A twix.

Q: How to kill in hunger a family of immigrants?
A: Hide their food coupons under the father's working shoes.

Q: What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind when he
shot himself?
A: The roof of his mouth.

Q: What's the difference between the pope and a woman in a bath?
A: One has got hope in the soul, the other has soap in the...

What do you do when your dishwasher stops?
Smack the lazy bitch.

In 1992, a 87 year old jewish man was the sole winner of a 300 million dollar state lottery. The news crews all wanted to do an interview with this lucky senior. One reporter asked, "Is there anyone you would like to thank?" The old man fell silent, then finally answered, "I would like to thank the third reich." They reporter was shocked! "Why in the world would you like to thank a bunch of nazis?," the reporter asked. "You see," said the man, rolling up his sleeve, "they gave me these lucky numbers!"


p.s.
There are over two million battered women in this country...
And I just like to eat them plain.

Q./ Whats 18" long 8" round and gauranteed to make a women cry?
A./ A miscarriage.

Q./ Why do black people have nightmares?

A./ cuz the last one that had a dream, got SHOT!!!


I'm Coming to Join you Pey!

scarface

Q/ Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Micheal Jackson?
A/ One was the first man to walk on the moon, the other fucks little boys up the arse
---
Q/ What did Micheal jackson do when he was drowning?
A/ He grabbed onto a buoy (boy)
---
Micheal Jackson is walking along the beach and an angry man yells "Hey Micheal! get out of my sun! (son)
---
Q/ Whats the difference between a grey hound and a Pedophile?
A/ A grey hound waits for the hare to come out of the box before attacking it
---
A man knocks over a lamp and two genies come out. They say they will grant three wishes but he has to whisper them consecutively and quickly as the Genies are in a hurry.

*Bang* He finds himself in a Mansion
*Bang* He finds himself surrounded by models
*Bang* He finds himself hanging by his neck in a large tree

Before he dies, the last thing he hears is the genie saying
"I can understand the large house and women, but fucked if I know why he wanted to be hung like a black man"
----

how do you make a baby cry twice?
wipe your bloody cock on his tedy bear

What's the definition of cruelty?
A leper in a wind tunnel.

What's the definition of confusion?
Two lesbians in a fish shop.

what do ya tell a woman with two black eyes?

 nowt coz ya have already told her twice.


how do ya mend a womans watch?

why bother, there's a clock on the cooker.

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A black eye, a fat lip or a job.

What was missing from the million man march?

30 miles of chain and an auctioneer.

Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?

Have yo ever heard of a mexican doing something right the first time?

What's the difference between a black person and a tire?

Tires don't sing when you put chains on 'em.

Why do white people go to black garage sales?

To get their shit back.

Why didn't the black chick wear panties when she went out to dinner?

To keep the flies off the pizza.

What do you call a black person with a pale complection?

Down a quart.

What do you call a mexican baptism?

Bean dip.

Why don't mexicans have barbecues?

The beans kept falling through the grill.

Why do black people have chickens?

To teach their kids how to walk.

Ok I'm done for today, I think I've pissed off enough black and mexican people for today.  I'm not racist, my family way back is black, as a matter of fact, there's still a few hanging in the ol family tree.