I've been a nomad for a month now. Maybe six weeks. A vagrant. A mere mortal might have cracked by now, but I find this lifestyle relatively easy to deal with. Comforting, actually.
The major hurdle-slash-annoyance was a lack of transportation. I called in some logistical favors, flew to Atlanta and bought a Toyota Tundra. Well, maybe I should elaborate: I bought a road-legal version of a Sherman Tank. 4x4, V8, off-road/towing package. The backup camera is considered an available option, but it’s pretty much a requirement. I dare you to stand in front of the thing and not laugh… imagine a regular truck being a balloon, then blow up that balloon until it almost bursts. That’s what this truck looks like.
I named it Thor. Actually, Thor named itself. It’s angry. Especially when it’s not in motion. It took me three days to tame Thor and prove that I was a worthy Pack Leader.
I brought Thor to Manhattan because some of my stuff is still there. Manhattan didn’t want us. Seriously. I might as well have rolled up with a tractor-trailer. F-ing piece of s-t city.
We fled in a northern direction to rural New York State. It was noon. Cloudy and misting. There was a pond next to the road and a deer was drinking from it. Yeah, at noon. It looked a Thor without a care in the world, dropping its head back down for another taste. I could call the visual “tranquil” or “serene” but that wouldn’t do it justice. If I wasn’t so manly, I would have broken down and cried.
I finally got Wi-Fi options in a hamlet… population 650. For perspective, it's the size of Central Park. You can put every person on a subway platform, shove them on the train and take them somewhere. My kind of place.
So I’m at this house that's sitting on an insane amount of land. Normal for the area. The main room is full of ceiling-high windows, giving me a 90-degree view of the awesomeness. That’s where I set up my air mattress, and where I’m currently typing.
I took a header off the deck today. Apparently my work boots couldn’t handle the rain-slicked wood. As I struggled to stand, I was hit by the irony: I had been jumping out of Thor’s bed for a week with no problem. How To Feel Like An Idiot, Volume 1. My right ankle is twice the size of the other. Whatever. I’m going to find a town tomorrow that might offer me a cane that has a retractable blade. Something James Bond would use if he was an aging cripple. Bad ass.
I’m multi-tasking. I was typing this and checking my nation-wide Yelp reviews. Apparently Yelp black-listed me and never said anything. There was one tea place that was shoving their ideology at me… that their tea leaves offered miraculous health benefits. One critical sentence and I was done.
Since I’m now a social-media pariah, this is the sole place I can go to purge/post. I’ve even bailed on (gasp) LinkedIn. You’d think that would be a problem, but I’ve met more people today than I’ve met in however-many months in NYC.
Maybe this is where I should stay. Thor’s cool with it.